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Life is Tricky

    I haven’t written in a while, but, my life has been crazy.  My body is fighting against me as, I have started the beginnings of menopause, also, in October my husband was finally able to have his youngest daughter live with us, after 10 years of living with her grandmother, (my husband’s mom).  The truth about what’s behind that, is a very long, frustrating story.  Any way, 10 years later, we have my husband’s 12 year old daughter living with us.  It’s a very happy occasion, don’t get me wrong yet,  you have to understand, my biological daughters are grown, married and out of the house, and we have a 2 year old granddaughter.  So, I have lived a long time just taking care of myself and my husband, this is a shock to my 48 year old mind and body.  My energy level is not what is used to be, and his daughter is missing some very simple basic rules of life, all in all, she is a very sweet child though.

As far as menopause goes, I am irritable, tired, and never know when I’m going to have my monthly visitor.  I have night sweats, no libido and I get very depressed at times.  This is on top of my diagnosed severe anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, etc… So I guess you can see why, I haven’t had time to write until now.  I started selling Younique products, which is something I love, but, I haven’t had a lot of time to put into it.  Here is the link if you would like to purchase makeup, or skincare products.  Your face will love you if you do,

Tomorrow, is my granddaughter’s 2nd birthday.  She has already had her birthday party, but I am going to try to make her day as special as possible.  I cannot believe how the time has just flown by.  Any who, I wanted to write before I fall asleep in my favorite chair. LOL  I will try to post more often.  Hope 2017 has been treating you well.



I’m Actually Excited

When I was a police officer, and then after that a cashier at Walmart, I absolutely dreaded any sort of holiday. The hustle and bustle, along with people and their attitudes made me dread every day at work until the holidays were done. So, I didn’t enjoy family time and the holidays either.  Now, that I don’t have to deal with that anymore, I am like a little child. I’m excited to be with my family, I cannot wait until they open what I bought for them, and I cannot wait to see my granddaughter and her eyes light up when she opens that first gift.

I have so very much to be thankful for, so many times we take the small things for granted, but are they small things truly?  No, enjoying the holidays is huge. So many people have lost loved ones that I know, therefore the holidays for them are a sad occasion, I pray for each and everyone of them. If you’re reading this and you’re dealing with sadness for whatever reason, if it’s serious, don’t deal with it alone. If you have family you can talk to, utilize that. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to please get counseling, and if need be, see a doctor about an antidepressant. No one should have to go through life depressed especially during the holidays!

It’s Just Not For Me

In the area I live in one of the first questions you might be asked is, where do you go to church? Now days my answer is nowhere. I’ve been to many churches in my years of life and have discovered that going to church now causes me undue anxiety and problems. Sure, I learned some things about the Bible, good things mostly, but I also learned how to be judge mental of those that weren’t like me, angry at the things in the world to the point of being almost radical, and I learned that it contains a lot of people that stay in their own little groups. I’m not saying don’t go, I’m not saying all churches are bad, but I am saying if you’re relying on that to have a relationship with God, you are truly missing the boat.
If you truly want to know if God exists scientifically you’ll never figure that one out. But if you want to first-hand account of what he can do, you talk to someone like me that’s been to hell and back and still believes he exists. Because I will tell you right now my God exists, no, the only God exists. Jesus, you know, his father is also my father.if you want to know about it then you talk to someone that has been through drug addiction, abuse of any kind, the loss of children, etc.

Chances are if you don’t believe in God, it’s because you never really trusted in him ever to begin with. If you’re waiting for somebody to zap you into shape, or to magically get rid of your problems, well that’s not God. If you truly get on your knees and humble yourself and don’t  ask for the mountains to be moved in front of your face, you’ll get an answer. It may not be the one that you want, but, remember you asked God for his advice because evidently you don’t have the answers, right?

My church consists of my God first and foremost, and my family, and one close friend.  I can worship with them, pray with them, and feel more safe with them then I ever feel within the walls of the so-called church. I’m telling you here and now don’t blame God for the problems you see within a church, it’s the people in that church causing the problems the same as you get out in the regular world with people walking on the sidewalk. If you need that kind of established worship then have at it, but I’m telling you it sure as hell ain’t for me!

To High Expectations

This may totally shock you. Guess what, your significant other is not perfect. That’s a big shocker I know, But when you enter in a permanent relationship
meaning you plan on staying with this person forever, you have got to understand that your life is not going to be like a romantic novel or movie. If you truly love that person you stick by their side through thick and thin no matter how annoying, or upset you get with each other.
That means they may not have the emotions you would like them to have, they may not view the world like you view it, and later on through the years you may discover that they don’t seem to be the same person you thought you fell in love with. They aren’t. They’ve been through the same toil, trials, and hurts that you have been through and that changes people. They may even discover things they didn’t know about themselves That cause them to change in many ways. This discovery does not mean that I don’t love you anymore, it just means they’ve grown in someway. In some ways they may have even gotten a little harder to deal with. If you love that person you stand beside them through their changes if you’ve been together long enough you know that things will straighten themselves out. Of course, there are exceptions such as: infidelity, abuse, or anything else that is life altering in a bad way.  I myself would never stand someone cheating on me or hitting me. That crosses the line.

In true relationships though your life is not going to be the same as it was when you first met each other. The butterflies have moved on, the sweaty palm’s are gone, if you’re old enough you may be even too tired to speak sometimes. 

Try to always persevere through those hard times. Those hard times is what eventually makes your relationship even better and closer because each of you know what you have endured to stay together.


Self Evaluation

 In so many areas of my life, I have done things only to please someone else and have left myself feeling so empty inside.  Either the person I was trying to please, eventually left or betrayed me, or they stopped aprrecitating my efforts all together.  Years of living and gaining wisdom, has led me to the thoughts I have today, if you don’t like me for me, then to hell with you.  Plain and simple.  It’s unreal that it took me 47 years to figure that out.  I owe no one anything, but my God!!!  I will be curteous, and try to put others feelings at a very high level, but I will never be a door mat again.  I need to love myself, if someone close to me doesn’t understand that then they are the ones with the issue.  I HAVE to value myself to live a life worth living.  

    How many times in your own life, have you laid awake at night wondering what someone else thought of you?  Whether it be, something you said, the way you looked, or something another person said to you.  I can’t do it anymore!  It was wearing me out and driving me insane.  Don’t wear this, they’ll look down on you.  Oh crap, better not post that on Facebook, someone will think I’m horrible, or don’t buy that bottle of wine there, too many will see me and think I’m a drunk.  No, not happening Ever again.  I know, what God tells me, you don’t.  If you look down on me for something, well, that’s your own self loathing not mine.  With me; what you see is what you get.  I say what I mean, and mean what I say.  I am self maintained for the most part and I don’t need someone else’s approval.  

    I am a grown  ass woman that has feelings and needs.  And I don’t need fake, judgemental people around me at all.  I won’t have anyone around me like that.  Life is too short to look for approval from people that wouldn’t give a plug nickle if I fell off of the face of the earth right now.  So, if you don’t like what I have blogged, or posted, Please unfollow me and forget you ever saw my name, because I probably don’t even know yours.