As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, we could easily reflect on only the negative and live in our sorrow and pain. I don’t know about you, but I have lived enough in sorrow and hurt. I will not feel sorry for myself any longer. I choose to break the chain, I choose to live free and blessed by God!
What I question today is, am I doing enough? Sure I wrote a book about my experience as an abused child and my decisions as I grew up, but is it helping anyone? Is there more I could or should do? Does God have more planned for me? Yes! Somewhere along the way I will know if I am doing everything i was supposed to. We all have a purpose.
I will not be weak, I am a survivor, God has help me overcome a great tragedy in my life to stand up and tell about what He has done for me. I’m here, I’m blessed, and I’m alive. I will strive to do what He asks of me, to help those that feel alone.
As I ponder on the events of my life, I remember my bad decisions. The ones that hurt because of my decisions. My excuses or reasons for my decisions were my abuse. Ultimately, we make our decisions, and we decide how to treat people. Oh how my kids suffered for my hurt and pain. I am sorry to them, if they ever see this, it is on the web forever, thank you for loving me in spite of my mistakes.
As I said, I was sexually abused as a child, as I grew up and had children I made bad choices. Adultery, was the main one. My daughters are both married and my oldest is still having trouble with some of my choices even though it has been years ago and i am changed. In 2004 I tried to commit suicide, and I understand it made her feel like I didn’t think she and her sister were worth staying here for, but that’s not true. I’ve said Im sorry and that I would go to counseling with her, but she hasn’t yet gone to counseling. Do you ever out run you past?