Tainted

Sometimes, since I have made it through so much, and I am a survivor, plus, making it through life much better now than I have in the past, I forget how it has tainted the way I think or go about daily life.  I got up this morning, as I always do, and got ready to exercise.  I thought my youngest daughter was going to come over and with me running on the treadmill downstairs it would keep me from hearing her.  So I started to unlock the front and back doors, but stopped, because my thought was immediately, “What if someone comes in and rapes me, or my stepfather decides to totally lose it, since I obtained a protective order, and finish hurting me by actually raping me.”  Sometimes those thoughts creep in, but now, I am able to brush them aside a little better, instead of it crippling me.  Thank God for that.

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