June 9, 1995~~~~Jesus, please get me out of this place. I can’t make myself happy, and I can’t make my family happy either. We can’t do anything as a family. I can’t talk to anyone, because everyone is sick of my depression! I don’t blame them, but what can I do? I am pulled from every direction, I can’t relax or just sun bathe. I want my husband’s company, but he’s always tired, except at night when there’s something he wants. I just can’t make myself. My body won’t allow it. Suicide is the only answer. I love my family too much to put them through this any more. It’s just a matter of the right time, and the right place. I am not content at home, when I am out or anywhere else for that matter. I love them, my kids and my husband, or I think I love my husband.,but they’re suffering because of me. I don’t want them to hurt, but they are hurting now! Please forgive me for what I am going to do.~~~~~At that time I didn’t of course try anything, but I was so tormented, I felt I had no hope. No one understood my pain. It was like a black cloud that wouldn’t go away.