More old journal entries

June 9, 1995~~~~Jesus, please get me out of this place. I can’t make myself happy, and I can’t make my family happy either.  We can’t do anything as a family.  I can’t talk to anyone, because everyone is sick of my depression!  I don’t blame them, but what can I do?  I am pulled from every direction, I can’t relax or just sun bathe.  I want my husband’s company, but he’s always tired, except at night when there’s something he wants.  I just can’t make myself.  My body won’t allow it.  Suicide is the only answer.  I love my family too much to put them through this any more.  It’s just a matter of the right time, and the right place.  I am not content at home, when I am out or anywhere else for that matter.  I love them, my kids and my husband, or I think I love my husband.,but they’re suffering because of me.  I don’t want them to hurt, but they are hurting now!  Please forgive me for what I am going to do.~~~~~At that time I didn’t of course try anything, but I was so tormented, I felt I had no hope.  No one understood my pain.  It was like a black cloud that wouldn’t go away.


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