Constant and never ending

It seems I always have the constant dream, that I embrace my mother, giving her a hug, but reminding her that I want nothing to do with my stepfather.  Are these dreams a sign or is it just wishful thinking?  I don’t really understand these dreams, I just know that they are haunting me, reminding me of a mother/daughter relationship that I was robbed of by my mother because of her choices.  I want a mother, not necessarily my mother, just a real mother.  One that protects, is concerned with my well being.  All I ever had was a mother obsessed by her own needs and desires.  It’s tragic, but real. How many times have some of you felt this way?  I’m sure many.  Let me know, communicate with me please.  Let me know that I am not the only one.Image

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Been a long time

Sorry it has been such a long time.  We have had some really trying things happen in our family, last July my youngest daughter lost her baby, now this February, my oldest lost hers.  My husband was in a car accident, which obliterated the car, but thank God he is alive. 

   I have thought a lot of my mother lately, if only she would leave her husband, if only she would own up to how bad she screwed up, and admit to how many times I was victimized.  I wonder, will it happen before old age or something worse takes her.  I had only one parent left and she chose to have a stable money situation instead of her family.  It’s made it hard on the whole family.  My daughters still see her, I can’t deny, it bothers me.  Sometimes it feels like a betrayal, then sometimes I understand.  Really, I don’t know how to feel.  I need an older woman in my life to love, and confide in.  I haven’t found her yet, but I’m praying for one.