Constant and never ending

It seems I always have the constant dream, that I embrace my mother, giving her a hug, but reminding her that I want nothing to do with my stepfather.  Are these dreams a sign or is it just wishful thinking?  I don’t really understand these dreams, I just know that they are haunting me, reminding me of a mother/daughter relationship that I was robbed of by my mother because of her choices.  I want a mother, not necessarily my mother, just a real mother.  One that protects, is concerned with my well being.  All I ever had was a mother obsessed by her own needs and desires.  It’s tragic, but real. How many times have some of you felt this way?  I’m sure many.  Let me know, communicate with me please.  Let me know that I am not the only one.Image


2 thoughts on “Constant and never ending

  1. Growing up in house where I was sexually abused under my mothers nose, I can totally relate to what you write here, to what you are feeling and I have a lot of mothers in my life today that I’ve met along the way in my healing. I have not only met mothers, but brother and sisters also. I claim them all because they are all here when I need them and I for them. Some are those I’ve met online and then later met them in person. Some I’ve met in church, some I’ve met volunteering, some in a coffee shop or a book store where I’ve just sat to think. This happened when I opened myself to it. When I stopped blaming others and holding them accountable for the crimes my mother swept under the rug and the rapist(s) committed against me. Without having done that I would be alone today no just without a mother but also an only child with no friends.

    My birth mother and the rapist(s) are all still alive today but I have not seen them or communicated with them for nearingly 20 years and I’ve no regrets for walking away and building my own future. I don’t miss them either but rather pray for them to find the peace sometime in their lifetime that I pursued for myself all those years ago.

    Hugs to you!

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