What would happen if?: My mom had told the authorities, I had told someone else, I had married someone different at 18, I had let go of my mom sooner, I had went to college, I had more friends. So many more what if’s. I always feel lonely, no matter how many are around or where I’m at. An empty, spot that is there no matter what, even though I know God. Sometimes I want to disappear. I can’t, I know that. I feel so, blah. Christmas, I had always spent with my mother. Her choices have caused me pain and loneliness. I just want to sleep. I struggle and try to continue life as usual, but it will never be normal. I scream, ” HELP ME,” inside. No one can hear that, nor, do I want them to. They shouldn’t feel pain like I do. Help me.