What would happen if?:   My mom had told the authorities, I had told someone else, I had married someone different at 18, I had let go of my mom sooner, I had went to college, I had more friends.  So many more what if’s.  I always feel lonely, no matter how many are around or where I’m at.  An empty, spot that is there no matter what, even though I know God.  Sometimes I want to disappear.  I can’t, I know that.  I feel so, blah.  Christmas, I had always spent with my mother.  Her choices have caused me pain and loneliness.  I just want to sleep.  I struggle and try to continue life as usual, but it will never be normal.  I scream, ” HELP ME,” inside.  No one can hear that, nor, do I want them to.  They shouldn’t feel pain like I do.  Help me.

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