When I say I live my past, I don’t mean, “I live IN my past,” I mean, I LIVE MY PAST!
It happened within the last two weeks. An argument, upset feelings, argument gets bigger. Before you know it, your perception is off and you have tunnel vision. Something was said, or done, that took me straight back to a past relationship, a bad past relationship. Not only were things we were saying and doing like my past, but I was reliving my past. My guard came up, I put on my boxing gloves and went to war. When that happened, things that were said to me, were ten times worse than they should have been, because I just knew that I was right back in 2004, when my world was falling apart, therefore, in the present, my world was falling apart.
Why do we do that to ourselves and others around us? If they have lived that past with us, well, we just take them with us. Then when you try to go back and explain everything when things have calmed down, you look like you’re making light of what happened. I am much better than I was even a couple of years ago, but there are times I take a few steps backwards and then I have to try to keep myself from beating myself up for making a mistake.
I can thrive in life, excel, be so happy, if I will stop the cycle of living things over and over again. I do it to myself. I also think that I can handle life on my own, with no one or nothing to rely on. I can’t. I have to, for myself, lean on my Father. My Father, never lets me down. When I start listening and talking to Him, my life falls into place. When I don’t, everything goes to Hell! Believe what you want, live a miserable life blaming others and running in circles. Not me. I won’t do it any more. I like to love, laugh, hug and joke. I can’t do that if I’m miserable and always looking for the next shoe to drop. If you are looking for it, it will happen, that shoe will drop straight on top of your head.
Take a deep breath in the middle of bad situations, and reevaluate what’s really going on. And for goodness sake, keep others out of it until you absolutely know for sure that your life is going down that drain.