Join me here! #God
Do you ever wonder why it took you so long to get where you’re at? I mean, from the time I was in grade school on up, I knew I only wanted to be a wife and mother, but because I let other people and their opinions influence me. I made too many crazy stops, before I got to my current destination as wife, mom and now, Mi Mi.
I never wanted a “career”, but I had everyone in my ear telling me that I needed to go to college, I needed to make money, blah, blah, blah, blah….. No I didn’t!! I was always the type that loved to be around family and I loved being creative. I loved to write, sing and draw. If everyone had left me alone and let me follow my dreams, it might not have taken so long for me to finally be happy. Yes, I have a mental illness, oh dang, I SAID IT!!! I’m mentally ill. How dare you if you just thought of the word crazy! It doesn’t mean that I’m crazy. It just means my ailment isn’t physical. I was born with parts of my illness, but others developed from traumas that happened in my life. Everyone would be happier if they would just admit it and get help, instead of blaming everyone else. Any way, as I was saying, I knew what I wanted. I should’ve told everyone else to take a flying leap, but I didn’t, so, it took a long time and a lot of heartache because I let other people run my life.
If your kids aren’t killing themselves, they’re respectful, appreciative, then leave them alone to follow their dreams instead of telling them to follow YOUR dreams. A lot of people that are going to college or have already been, have spent a lot of money on an education, yet they still don’t have a job or they’re unhappy. College doesn’t fix unhappiness.
Sometimes I feel like congratulating parents on making their kids feel miserable and inadequate.
Just because you didn’t do what you think you should’ve when you had the chance, now you project your unhappiness onto your own children. Tell your kids that you love them and want to support them in anything they would like to accomplish. Even if you don’t have the money, be their moral support. Then maybe it won’t take 30+ years to realize they’re finally doing what they always wanted to do, and they will have a great relationship with you by their side!
I was telling my husband the other day, how much my personality has changed since I’ve gotten older, healed after the abuse, and broke ties with my mother. I’m so much more patient, and enjoy the simple things. Today, I got to baby sit my grand daughter, I fed her and we cuddled, (I fell asleep), LOL. Dealing with your issues whether it be sexual abuse, domestic abuse, mental abuse etc…makes your life so much more enjoyable. I was tired of fighting the demons so, I kicked them to the curb. Life is fun, even if I just stay home and blog, clean house, or spend time with my family. If you don’t deal with the underlying issue, there is NO WAY to be happy. Deal with it, don’t run from it. Face it head on, there are reasons you’re unhappy, figure out why. I am not afraid to grow old it means I survived. God allowed me to live through all of the crap. Cling to him if you know him, if you don’t maybe should get to know him. He is pretty amazing, he made my granddaughter, and she seems perfect. Look for the good don’t dwell on the bad. That’s an order!!!! 🙂
Yesterday I was able to hold my grand daughter and so was did my husband. My husband said, “This Saturday goes down in the record books as the best Saturday ever.” It made me think, yes, it’s the small little wonders in life that make life worth living. As I held her little fingers and kissed her little head, it made me feel so alive. I cannot dwell on my vast array of mistakes or my molestation any more. I can move on, try to raise awareness, but I am no longer angry about it, not that I quit wishing justice had been served, I just cannot stay in victim mode, because I’m not. I am a survivor that is flourishing. I wish that I had a mother, and I wish my real father were alive, I wish my mom would get help and there could be a new beginning, but there may never be that chance, so I don’t dwell in the what could be’s. I look at the good things in life, although simple, they make me smile on the inside and out.
My friend there is hope, you don’t have to be the constant victim, you do not have to dwell in what has happened to you. Get the help you need, you must for recovery, you won’t ever forget, this I know. You can live a full life though. Anger, hatred, and being vindictive will only hurt you. Do what you must to move on, you can be even better than what you were before, because, you survived and you are strong.