Worry doesn’t fix anything

     I used to worry on a daily basis, for example, I feel like I will die at an early age, or something is going to take my happiness away.  Every ache and pain I had was the end of the world, then, I started counseling and depression meds, I found out the root of my negativity.  Part the sexual abuse, part genetics.  My father, from what I understand had emotional issues, I mean my biological father.  A person can hear so many horror stories, that if you already have emotional problems, anxiety, and depression, every little thing you go through feels like the end of the world.  After years of meds and counseling, plus my age, I am finally learning to take life as it comes, one day at a time.  I mean, really, what can you do about sicknesses, or someone’s bad decisions?  Nothing, you pray, put it in God’s hands and count every good day, blessing and calm hour.  I have learned this the hard way.  In my 20’s and early 30’s, I borrowed trouble, waiting for the next shoe to drop.  That’s no way to live.  I can’t and won’t do it any more.  It’s time to live, enjoy life and enjoy my kids and my grand baby. 

Let it go, stop worrying, relax and take a day at a time.  you’ll feel so much better.

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So different

I was telling my husband the other day, how much my personality has changed since I’ve gotten older, healed after the abuse, and broke ties with my mother.  I’m so much more patient, and enjoy the simple things.  Today, I got to baby sit my grand daughter, I fed her and we cuddled, (I fell asleep), LOL.  Dealing with your issues whether it be sexual abuse, domestic abuse, mental abuse etc…makes your life so much more enjoyable.  I was tired of fighting the demons so, I kicked them to the curb. Life is fun, even if I just stay home and blog, clean house, or spend time with my family.  If you don’t deal with the underlying issue, there is NO WAY to be happy.  Deal with it, don’t run from it.  Face it head on, there are reasons you’re unhappy, figure out why.  I am not afraid to grow old it means I survived.  God allowed me to live through all of the crap.  Cling to him if you know him, if you don’t maybe should get to know him.  He is pretty amazing, he made my granddaughter, and she seems perfect.  Look for the good don’t dwell on the bad.  That’s an order!!!!  🙂

Been a long time

Sorry it has been such a long time.  We have had some really trying things happen in our family, last July my youngest daughter lost her baby, now this February, my oldest lost hers.  My husband was in a car accident, which obliterated the car, but thank God he is alive. 

   I have thought a lot of my mother lately, if only she would leave her husband, if only she would own up to how bad she screwed up, and admit to how many times I was victimized.  I wonder, will it happen before old age or something worse takes her.  I had only one parent left and she chose to have a stable money situation instead of her family.  It’s made it hard on the whole family.  My daughters still see her, I can’t deny, it bothers me.  Sometimes it feels like a betrayal, then sometimes I understand.  Really, I don’t know how to feel.  I need an older woman in my life to love, and confide in.  I haven’t found her yet, but I’m praying for one.