Do you ever why it took you so long to get where you’re at?

Do you ever wonder why it took you so long to get where you’re at?  I mean, from the time I was in grade school on up, I knew I only wanted to be a wife and mother, but because I let other people and their opinions influence me.  I made too many crazy stops, before I got to my current destination as wife, mom and now, Mi Mi.

I never wanted a “career”, but I had everyone in my ear telling me that I needed to go to college, I needed to make money, blah, blah, blah, blah….. No I didn’t!!  I was always the type that loved to be around family and I loved being creative.  I loved to write, sing and draw.  If everyone had left me alone and let me follow my dreams, it might not have taken so long for me to finally be happy.  Yes, I have a mental illness, oh dang, I SAID IT!!! I’m mentally ill.  How dare you if you just thought of the word crazy!  It doesn’t mean that I’m crazy.  It just means my ailment isn’t physical.  I was born with parts of my illness, but others developed from traumas that happened in my life.  Everyone would be happier if they would just admit it and get help, instead of blaming everyone else.  Any way, as I was saying, I knew what I wanted.  I should’ve told everyone else to take a flying leap, but I didn’t, so, it took a long time and a lot of heartache because I let other people run my life.

If your kids aren’t killing themselves, they’re respectful, appreciative, then leave them alone to follow their dreams instead of telling them to follow YOUR dreams.  A lot of people that are going to college or have already been, have spent a lot of money on an education, yet they still don’t have a job or they’re unhappy.  College doesn’t fix unhappiness.

Sometimes I feel like congratulating parents on making their kids feel miserable and inadequate.

Just because you didn’t do what you think you should’ve when you had the chance, now you project your unhappiness onto your own children.  Tell your kids that you love them and want to support them in anything they would like to accomplish.  Even if you don’t have the money, be their moral support.  Then maybe it won’t take 30+ years to realize they’re finally doing what they always wanted to do, and they will have a great relationship with you by their side!

 

 

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Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear

     There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  1 John 4:18

 

When you love someone, you protect them, stand up for them, they can count on you no matter what mistakes they make.  Too many people throw that word, Love, around lightly, then when a big problem arises, they’re ready to throw in the towel.

  In the past, I was guilty of this.  I don’t want to throw those words around any more.  I don’t want to tell anyone I love them, unless, I’m willing to back those very important three words up.

This goes for spouses, family, friends and Christians.  Self professed Christians sometimes say those words way too much.  If you gossip about someone, you don’t love them.  If you give someone an ultimatum, you don’t love them.  How could you?  If you are ready to throw a relationship away at the first sign of trouble, well, that causes fear.  That’s not perfect love.  

 

So many times in the past, people have told me they love me, but when I did something they didn’t agree with, or didn’t meet up to their standards, they abandoned me.  Left me high and dry.  With nothing, but hurt feelings and distrust.  Please don’t do that to someone.  Love them with your whole heart.  Stand by them through thick and thin.  You never know when it could be the last day, hour or minute that you ever see them again.

I say if you if you use the words, “I love you,” PROVE IT!!

Observation and wisdom

     We experience pain of many different kinds in life as children and adults.  Some are physical and some are mental, some are both.  I mean, traumatic experiences that make us so stressed and messed up that our bodies reject a normal existence.  Our bodies can die from the inside out.  In other words, my mind sees what I’ve experienced in real time, but it wants to reject it, so, it fights against me.  My stomach hurts, I have headaches, my heart beats too fast and I feel like I will puke.  I can’t sleep, I either eat too much or I can’t eat at all.  I want to stare into space and everyone leave me alone, but, I can’t.  I have a house and family to take care of.  What should I do?  I AM NOT GOING TO END MY LIFE!!!!  I choose to live, but, please someone understand and help me. 

I cry.  I wait until I’m alone, and then, I fall to pieces.  There is only a choice few that understand what I feel and are sympathetic to me.  I cry.  Please someone help me.  Take away the anxiety that plagues my mind and heart.  Doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, medicine.  Why can’t I just be normal?  Wait, what is normal?  I have never seen normal, I don’t think there is a normal life.  I am sympathetic to others, yet, I am so angry.  I’m hurt, defiled, and tainted.  I grew up too fast.  No one understands that or me.  I think I will just stare into space and pretend no one is around me, I don’t exist.

Emotions

Lately,  I have had so many mixed emotions.  Happiness, (my Granddaughter), worry and anxiety (my daughters), Exhaustion (mental), emotional (getting older), confusion (how I believe). 

My heart is about to explode with love for my granddaughter, it’s crazy, she is so perfect.  She does have an attitude, but at 7 mo. that’s cute in Mi Mi’s eyes, LOL.   Secondly, I wish I could take away the problems that my daughters encounter.  It’s so difficult to watch your children suffer in any way. 

I understand that I’m not going to be around forever, now.

I get sad, when I think of my mistakes, I am happy at the things I actually did right, and I get mad for justice that should have been served.

Last but not least, I know who my Lord and Savior is, but do these bible scholars, decons, church members, and so called Christians know?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

So overwhelmed with love

I am so overwhelmed with the love I have for my granddaughter. She just seems so perfect. How could my mother, ignore her family to stay with a molester. Can anyone answer this question for me? It’s not that I ever expect her to, I know better. I just don’t understand that mind set. An innocent child, me, my daughters, my granddaughter. She gave them all up to stand behind a man that has no self respect or respect for others. I try to not be angry, I think I have dealt with it, then I see and innocent baby. How? How my dear, ignorant mother can you live with what you’ve decided and done. I am disgusted with you. You are a disgrace to the word, “Mother”. How dare you give all of us up for him. You are a disgrace to all mothers, and grandmothers, not to mention, a human being. I hope you have nightmare about what could have been, if you had made the right choices. You are ignorant and selfish, you will live a lonely life in solitude. Be afraid of your future, when he is gone, all of your true family will NOT be there for you. You chose your destiny. Live with it, and feel cheated, it was in your hands. You dropped the ball!!!! LOL