Make It Beautiful!

    As I said in one of my other posts, the start of 2016 was, well, a nightmare.  I won’t give you any details, other than to say, I thought my whole life was going to hell in a hand basket.

Now, it’s the end of January and I feel like I’m walking on clouds.  I feel appreciated, loved, protected and because of a skin care product I use, I finally feel pretty.

It takes some sanding down to bare metal sometimes to find the smooth.  The expression, “Diamond in the Rough,” fits my life to a T.

I am trying to learn to be positive instead of a DEBBIE DOWNER.   I’m trying not to always wait for the sky to fall.  Just because life is good right now, doesn’t mean it is going to end.  I love my family, each and everyone of them.  My husband is at work and I miss him.  After eight years of marriage, we are cuddling and listening to each other.  It’s a shame we as humans have to go through rough periods in our lives to appreciate how wonderful our lives really are.

Please, take the advice of a 48 year old, stop being so negative.  It’s stressful and uncalled for.  Life IS what you make of it.  So, make it beautiful.

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Worry doesn’t fix anything

     I used to worry on a daily basis, for example, I feel like I will die at an early age, or something is going to take my happiness away.  Every ache and pain I had was the end of the world, then, I started counseling and depression meds, I found out the root of my negativity.  Part the sexual abuse, part genetics.  My father, from what I understand had emotional issues, I mean my biological father.  A person can hear so many horror stories, that if you already have emotional problems, anxiety, and depression, every little thing you go through feels like the end of the world.  After years of meds and counseling, plus my age, I am finally learning to take life as it comes, one day at a time.  I mean, really, what can you do about sicknesses, or someone’s bad decisions?  Nothing, you pray, put it in God’s hands and count every good day, blessing and calm hour.  I have learned this the hard way.  In my 20’s and early 30’s, I borrowed trouble, waiting for the next shoe to drop.  That’s no way to live.  I can’t and won’t do it any more.  It’s time to live, enjoy life and enjoy my kids and my grand baby. 

Let it go, stop worrying, relax and take a day at a time.  you’ll feel so much better.

What if

I heard something on a TV series today, What If. You can spend your life asking that question. What if I had a different mother, what if I had never been sexually abused, what if I hadn’t made such bad choices….. Does that help you move forward? No! It keeps you stuck in the past and in a fantasy world. Life is life, bad things happen, the survivors thrive. I am a survivor, and the bad things, like it or not have made me what I am. What am I? A wise, well rounded, survivor. Tough, straight forward and to the point. I tell you what I think, and that’s the way it is. I am transparent and honest. Don’t do it. Don’t play the What If game!

My perspective has changed so much as I get older and now as of 2/2/2015, I became a Grandmother, (Mi Mi). I have made it through all of the crap to see the positive. I am alive, I am a mother, a stepmother, and now, a Mi Mi. I am blessed. So no more what if’s, it is the now!! Now I am wise, now I am a survivor, NOW I AM HAPPY!!!!!

Free

To get up in the morning and hear the sounds of my husband and know I’m protected.  To smell the wonderful aroma, of biscuits in the oven and gravy.  Freedom that no one is going to hurt me, I’m safe.  No more putting the covers over my head and hiding.  No more squabbles with my mother or having to see my perpetrator ever again, that’s freedom to me.