I think of days gone by, the days that I though were normal, Christmases, birthdays, easters, etc….  What is normal?  So much drama in life.  If it’s not my own family it’s other families close to me.  It gets old.  Sometimes I wish I could spread my arms and just fly, I mean lift my body and really fly away.  If not just for a moment.  Money really could change some things for the better, make certain situations change.  Like keep certain hands off of innocent children that have no business in making decisions in their lives, because those people are so very toxic.  All I have at this moment is prayer.  I cannot change what I have no power over.  Only God know all.

More old journal entries

I am still struggling. I am trying to fight.  I don’t want to die really an longer but I do want to have my energy and my normality back. I pray for God to see fit to give my joy for life back to me. What can I do besides pray for it.  That was written in  June 27th of 1995.~~~~~Today is August 5th 2013 and I realize that yes I have God in my life but there may always be that struggle for normality in my life.  A struggle to be wanted, needed. to be protected and loved, that no human being will ever be able to provide.  I am strong, I am a loner.  I am here for me, I and my God are all I can truly count on.