Depression | Forgiveness Not Permission by Beth Kozine

I haven’t written in a while, but, my life has been crazy. My body is fighting against me as, I have started the beginnings of menopause, also, in October my husband was finally able to have his youngest daughter live with us, after 10 years of living with her grandmother, (my husband’s mom). The truth about what’s behind that, is a very long, frustrating story. Any way, 10 years later, we have my husband’s 12 year old daughter living with us. It’s a very happy occasion, don’t get me wrong yet, you have to understand, my biological daughters are grown, married and out of the house, and we have a 2 year old granddaughter. So, I have lived a long time just taking care of myself and my husband, this is a shock to my 48 year old mind and body. My energy level is not what is used to be, and his daughter is missing some very simple basic rules of life, all in all, she is a very sweet child though.

As far as menopause goes, I am irritable, tired, and never know when I’m going to have my monthly visitor. I have night sweats, no libido and I get very depressed at times. This is on top of my diagnosed severe anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, etc… So I guess you can see why, I haven’t had time to write until now. I started selling Younique products, which is something I love, but, I haven’t had a lot of time to put into it. Here is the link if you would like to purchase makeup, or skincare products. Your face will love you if you do, http://melinasyounique.com/

Tomorrow, is my granddaughter’s 2nd birthday. She has already had her birthday party, but I am going to try to make her day as special as possible. I cannot believe how the time has just flown by. Any who, I wanted to write before I fall asleep in my favorite chair. LOL I will try to post more often. Hope 2017 has been treating you well.

Summertime should be a time of fun and laughter. Not usually for me or my family. It gets so hot in ILLINOIS, that my husband to whom works outside all day on barges, gets absolutely exhausted and I worry about him. I have PTSD, from sexual abuse, and summertime is worse for flashbacks, because that’s when a lot of it happened. My oldest daughter has health issues, and it seems that when she should be enjoying the sun, she has to go through another surgery. My youngest daughter, well, she’s young and trying to survive in our horrible economy.

In the past, I wouldn’t be able to function hardly at all. I wouldn’t get up early and exercise, I would mope around unable to smile. Since, it doesn’t get any easier, I’ve learned to cope. Not pretend troubles don’t happen, just realize that life wasn’t intended to be easy, it was intended for you to look at the glass half full. I now look at my husband, my daughters and my granddaughter, and tell myself to keep fighting. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Life is what you make of it. Sure, I get aggravated and angry at times, cry, yell at the idiot driver next to me. That doesn’t mean my life sucks, it means that life is life. You go through the shit, and keep trudging on.

Another thing, since I am almost 48 years old in September, I will no longer try to please everyone, and change myself to do it. I am me, take me or leave me. I will speak my mind. Hopefully I remember to do it with respect, but I am not going to take any crap off of anyone. I was a door mat for a long time, not any more.

Be true to you. Be respectful and loving. Help when your able. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, and don’t let anyone change you or your personality. God made you unique, and He didn’t mean for anyone to change you!!!!

Forgiveness Not Permission by Beth Kozine

Sexual Abuse as a child

Tag Archives: Depression

#PsychlogicalAbuse #DomesticViolence #LivewithMelinaCorzine

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